We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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