It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
