I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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