Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
