Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
