Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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