you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
