I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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