So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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