i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
