the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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