I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
