They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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