so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
