That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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