It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
