I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my sisters under your porch take her home
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
