I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
