picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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