Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
