we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
