I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
