i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My feet surprised me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
