i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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