She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
