need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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