I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
