If that was your dad, he is hot
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
