Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
