You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
