I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
