Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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