coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
