i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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