I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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