my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
