There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
