it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
