I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
