Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
