I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
