Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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