just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
