If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
