a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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