He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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