He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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