drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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