Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
