do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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