So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
