Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
