Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize