I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need moral support for this bender
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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