Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
