There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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