What a fucking waste of an outfit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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