Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
