im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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