My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
