So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
try to milk me bitch
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