This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
