My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
