Will you blow on my dice?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
