this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
