He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
