Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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