Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
