Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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