i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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