I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
