You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
